Post by Mr Picalini on Feb 18, 2012 22:04:38 GMT
I'm not sure what subject to post this in, or even if it would be appropriate for this board, so I'm putting it in general. Anyway:
Because I've been watching The Hobbit Trailer too much, it's been making me think about dwarvish poetry. I started writing dwarvish poetry back in my junior year of college as a project for my Old-English literature class, since, in the setting I created (Gaea) Dwarves were heavily based on the Anglo-Saxons. It's something I have occasionally dabbled in ever since.
So anyway, I've taken it into my head to write out the Chronicle of the Dwarven Civil War, which is a part of their epic Histories. The entirety of dwarvish history, from when they fled underground to escape the oppression of the empire of Rhun to the end of the empire after the great civil war, is contained in a single, long poem that, if read from beginning to end non-stop, takes about 19 days to read. It is also supplemented by a series of shorter poems that occasionally chronicle the lives of individual heroes, philosophers or religious figures who had influence on the events of the main epic.
Because of its conjugation and structure Dwarvish is not a language built for rhyme. Instead, Dwarvish poetry focuses primarily on alliteration. I was remembering that a couple of the people who frequent this site are actually quite adept at the art of alliteration, so I was wondering if said individuals might be interested in giving a critique and maybe helping out with some of the stanzas.
What follows is the first third of the account, which focuses on the coming of and battle with the demon-beast Gouron. This took me about four and a half hours to write out and, while I think it's mostly good, there are a couple of stanzas I'm not thrilled with and am always open to suggestions and help.
Chronicle of the Dwarven Civil War
The song was soul-sung strong
When Raedwald, Rheged’s son
Sat as sire with scepter and stole
And reined by right o’er Sceaftesburh1
Came forth from Deep’s devouring depths
A demon-beast with demon-spawn
That ‘ere in darkness dwelled
As death from the depths untold
In Braedsbourgh2 the bells in warning roared
As beasts of blade and bone
With wrath and rancor raging
Bathed in blood from bodies broken
To the king the couriers carried
Messages of the monster’s malice
A menace cunning and cold
A craven creature, Gouron3 called
Hot the fires of forges flared
The high-held hammers heavy
Fell hard and fast on ferrous ores
That axe and armor be favorably formed
With mountain’s might the dwarf-defenders dared
Hold against the dreaded demon-hoards
The hammer-heroes halted
The malevolent monster’s minions hateful
Through echoing dark the demons fled
Warriors by torch-light trailed the turning tide
And full of fury fell upon them
At the mouth of doom’s domain
Grim and gruesome Gouron grinned
A smile of spikes and spines serrated
With slashing sickles swinging
Were soldiers slain in shambling Gouron’s grasp
Forth to the front came Hengist
Heorot’s son, a hammer-hero holy
A fighter fortune-favored, foe-frightening
With horned helm held high
Beating back its belligerent throng
Hengist threw his arms about its throat
And twisting, tore free the head
The beast’s body tumbled thrashing
Behold! the beast with black blood burning4
From the severed stump stared
With emerald eye, ever-enraged
While its boiling blood with spite was spraying
While fled the foul and furious foe
Roaring with rancor in a raging retreat
Hengist fell,5 his flesh festering
For rest, to the Forge-Father6 he returned
1 Sceaftesburh: Third and last capital of the dwarven empire.
2 Braedsborh: A fortified outpost near one of the known entrances to the Deep.
3 Gouron: One of seven great demon-beasts born from the blood of the slain god Ba’al.
4 black blood burning: one of the few characteristics common to all demon-beasts is the corrosive quality of their blood, which can severely – even fatally – burn anyone exposed to it.
5 Human legends tend to feature a small number of heroes who take part in many battles. By contrast, dwarf legends have a great many heroes who appear in one or two battles in which they die bringing down some great foe. This, on the whole, gives dwarven legendary traditions an extremely grim tone.
6 Forge-Father: Govan, the god of the forge and patron of dwarves.
Anyway, that's all I got at the moment and I'll be trying to write more of it today. The next part will focus on the looting of Gouron's caves, with the dwarves usual, loving obsession on the gold and jewels and precious assorted nick-knacks. If I can come up with material, it will be at least as long as the account of the battle to gain it, if not longer; dwarves love their treasure. After that is the account of how King Raedwald got greedy and decided he wanted to keep a greater share of the spoils for himself, which led to the warriors who wanted to equal share rising against him, splintering the empire into first two and then four rivaling clans.
Yes, the entire dwarven empire fell apart because one greedy king hoarded a few extra shiny objects for himself. As I said, dwarves love their treasure.
Because I've been watching The Hobbit Trailer too much, it's been making me think about dwarvish poetry. I started writing dwarvish poetry back in my junior year of college as a project for my Old-English literature class, since, in the setting I created (Gaea) Dwarves were heavily based on the Anglo-Saxons. It's something I have occasionally dabbled in ever since.
So anyway, I've taken it into my head to write out the Chronicle of the Dwarven Civil War, which is a part of their epic Histories. The entirety of dwarvish history, from when they fled underground to escape the oppression of the empire of Rhun to the end of the empire after the great civil war, is contained in a single, long poem that, if read from beginning to end non-stop, takes about 19 days to read. It is also supplemented by a series of shorter poems that occasionally chronicle the lives of individual heroes, philosophers or religious figures who had influence on the events of the main epic.
Because of its conjugation and structure Dwarvish is not a language built for rhyme. Instead, Dwarvish poetry focuses primarily on alliteration. I was remembering that a couple of the people who frequent this site are actually quite adept at the art of alliteration, so I was wondering if said individuals might be interested in giving a critique and maybe helping out with some of the stanzas.
What follows is the first third of the account, which focuses on the coming of and battle with the demon-beast Gouron. This took me about four and a half hours to write out and, while I think it's mostly good, there are a couple of stanzas I'm not thrilled with and am always open to suggestions and help.
---
Chronicle of the Dwarven Civil War
The song was soul-sung strong
When Raedwald, Rheged’s son
Sat as sire with scepter and stole
And reined by right o’er Sceaftesburh1
Came forth from Deep’s devouring depths
A demon-beast with demon-spawn
That ‘ere in darkness dwelled
As death from the depths untold
In Braedsbourgh2 the bells in warning roared
As beasts of blade and bone
With wrath and rancor raging
Bathed in blood from bodies broken
To the king the couriers carried
Messages of the monster’s malice
A menace cunning and cold
A craven creature, Gouron3 called
Hot the fires of forges flared
The high-held hammers heavy
Fell hard and fast on ferrous ores
That axe and armor be favorably formed
With mountain’s might the dwarf-defenders dared
Hold against the dreaded demon-hoards
The hammer-heroes halted
The malevolent monster’s minions hateful
Through echoing dark the demons fled
Warriors by torch-light trailed the turning tide
And full of fury fell upon them
At the mouth of doom’s domain
Grim and gruesome Gouron grinned
A smile of spikes and spines serrated
With slashing sickles swinging
Were soldiers slain in shambling Gouron’s grasp
Forth to the front came Hengist
Heorot’s son, a hammer-hero holy
A fighter fortune-favored, foe-frightening
With horned helm held high
Beating back its belligerent throng
Hengist threw his arms about its throat
And twisting, tore free the head
The beast’s body tumbled thrashing
Behold! the beast with black blood burning4
From the severed stump stared
With emerald eye, ever-enraged
While its boiling blood with spite was spraying
While fled the foul and furious foe
Roaring with rancor in a raging retreat
Hengist fell,5 his flesh festering
For rest, to the Forge-Father6 he returned
1 Sceaftesburh: Third and last capital of the dwarven empire.
2 Braedsborh: A fortified outpost near one of the known entrances to the Deep.
3 Gouron: One of seven great demon-beasts born from the blood of the slain god Ba’al.
4 black blood burning: one of the few characteristics common to all demon-beasts is the corrosive quality of their blood, which can severely – even fatally – burn anyone exposed to it.
5 Human legends tend to feature a small number of heroes who take part in many battles. By contrast, dwarf legends have a great many heroes who appear in one or two battles in which they die bringing down some great foe. This, on the whole, gives dwarven legendary traditions an extremely grim tone.
6 Forge-Father: Govan, the god of the forge and patron of dwarves.
---
Anyway, that's all I got at the moment and I'll be trying to write more of it today. The next part will focus on the looting of Gouron's caves, with the dwarves usual, loving obsession on the gold and jewels and precious assorted nick-knacks. If I can come up with material, it will be at least as long as the account of the battle to gain it, if not longer; dwarves love their treasure. After that is the account of how King Raedwald got greedy and decided he wanted to keep a greater share of the spoils for himself, which led to the warriors who wanted to equal share rising against him, splintering the empire into first two and then four rivaling clans.
Yes, the entire dwarven empire fell apart because one greedy king hoarded a few extra shiny objects for himself. As I said, dwarves love their treasure.